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What a dilemma you are struggling with! To be honest to yourself as the person that the LORD God created places you directly in the path of sin, but to deny your true self causes you to move closer to Him with only part of your self.
In my mind, holding back from having a complete relationship with the LORD God through Jesus Christ because you can only share a part of yourself is just as much of a sin as any of the sins of nature recorded in his Word.
First, you must be true to who you are if you seek to have a closer relationship with Jesus Christ and the LORD God. You must come to them with your complete mind, heart and soul. If you hold back a part of your self because it is judged a sin by man’s interpretations of the Word of God, then man is stopping you from moving closer to Him.
The farther away you are from Jesus Christ, the bigger the dilemma of your struggles become. Soon you find yourself on a path of loneliness and shame, with confusion to who you really are, your unworthiness to come to God, and the devil himself whispering words of judgment to you to prevent you from ever walking forward to Jesus.
In my opinion, there are many different kinds of homosexuality and heterosexuality in the world today.
- The Nasties – Many sexual deviants attempt to destroy the innocent souls in liberal game playing that encourages a gay or straight lifestyle with sexual vulgarities that shock and horrify traditional society. Most usually, these movements of depravity are initiated by Lucifer as he uses the lust of people to move them toward wickedness. These types of homosexual and heterosexual activities are sinful and will be judged harshly by Jesus Christ, and the doer will indeed be punished for these nasty deeds.
- The Abused – Innocent souls who have embraced their sexual preferences as a result of abuse in their childhood. These sexual preferences surely will not be weighed the same as the doers of wicked nasties, by Jesus Christ. I personally believe that the Abuser will be accountable to all sin that the abused has done as a direct result of that abuse.
- The Born – Now we get to the classification that you seem to fit. You are what you are, and you’ve known for a long time. You are what Jesus Christ made. True homosexuals and true heterosexuals are not sinners! HOWEVER, many of the sexual acts of homosexuals and heterosexuals are sin, and these sins are listed briefly in his Word, and quite strongly in the hearts of those who love Jesus Christ.
My advice is to quit trying to make yourself perfect and sin free before you establish a close relationship with Jesus Christ. It isn’t going to work. Every one of us is too weak, too sinful, to ever make ourselves perfect and clean before we approach Him!
Come to Jesus Christ just how you are! He loves you just the way you are! He knows who you love, and he knows how you love, and he knows all of the dilemmas you are facing as you struggle with these issues. If he wants you to change, he will gently guide you to that change in His Time and in His Way.
As your relationship with Jesus Christ grows, he may change your thoughts and heart gently and steadily and move you toward the heterosexual world. He may ask you to give up your sexuality in this life in service to him, with promises of great reward for your dedicated sacrifice on the New Earth. And, this is important, He may keep your heart and mind and thoughts and spirit toward your love of same sex just the way you are right now, and give you teaching and guidelines in how to live righteously with who you are and continue to grow to His expectations.
There is a way for you to have a true and close relationship with Jesus Christ and still be you. The trick of it is giving Jesus Christ the control, and letting him lead you to the path he has chosen for you, with the loving relationship of people he has led your way that are walking the same path toward Him.
Most importantly, keep walking toward Jesus Christ in spite of those who condemn you in their judgments. It is the sinners of great faith that Jesus Christ loves the most!
God’s blessings in your journey!
Kathy L. McFarland, MDiv.